a return, to more things than one.

i cant explain why i havent posted in almost six months, i literally have no reason. every once in a while, i would sit down at the computer and say 'okay, today i will update my blog.' but the words never came quickly enough and before i knew it, i would be distracted and onto something else. until today, today seems like the perfect day.

i am still in paris. i am curled up in my room of the sixth floor apartment in the 15ème, wearing borrowed warm socks and a freshly knitted cowl. im watching the snowstorm happening outside the window next to the old wooden desk i am currently typing at. the flakes are large and hurry down to the ground in number, but its gentle and silent as only snow in paris can be. paris in december, even better than paris in the autumn, or paris in the spring.

since my last post, i have since moved out of my apartment in pernety (a sad sad day), spent two weeks on the beach in the south of france, lived in ireland for two months, backpacked around thailand for a month, and then returned to paris.

in one week, i will return home to arizona for christmas and one (hopefully) final semester of school. after i graduate, i plan to attend fashion school back here in paris. its been a secret dream of mine for quite some time, and in my travels, i have met people who not only gave me the inspiration, but the confidence to pursue it. in fact, this past year and six months i have been travelling and living outside the us has given me more confidence, has lead to more growth and maturity than i ever thought possible.

its unbelievable that it has come to an end, my study abroad experience is almost finished. this chapter of my life is officially over, there is nothing else i can do to drag it out. i am not sad, however, although things will be different, i know i will be back. i have realized that my search for the yellow bird has lead me here. there is still something left to discover, something left i havent realized about myself, to be found on the streets of paris or wherever it is that they lead me.

i am tired of promising posts, of structuring my life around my blog (see weekly updates, or formspring fridays, 101 in 1001, or any of that other nonsense that works for others but i failed so miserably at.) it is because i attempted to partition my life into categorized subjects to be posted on a rigorous schedule that i stopped blogging. my life doesnt work that way, my mind doesnt work that way. i am scattered and a mess and i go wherever my whim takes me, and that life is not conducive to such structured blogging.

so, dear readers, if any of you have found your way back or have miraculously been patiently waiting, you can expect a different type of blog to the one before. but i tell you, you wont be disappointed.

the old blog would have promised posts of ireland, and thailand, and promised weekly updates as i attempt to prepare myself over the next six months for my entrance into the fashion world of paris. (there's so much to be done, sewing ruffles and collars need to be conquered, designing has to be mastered, and pattern making has to be attempted, all leading to the portfolio which will decide my acceptance into the school, the possibility for a future in fashion.)

but the new blog simply says 'wait and see, i will be back, with something new to show you.'

chiang mai, thailand.

photo credit: romain clerc