the beginning of a brand new adventure.

as i mentioned in my last post, i lived in ireland for two months. my lease in paris ran out, right when my french student visa expired. i needed a place to live, and to plan, because i wasnt quite ready to return to the states just yet. my friend aoife was up for the challenge. she had recently moved into a three-story house fifteen minutes outside of dublin. she asked her new flatmates, and they agreed i could stay as i long as i pitched in for garbage collection and propane for the stove. i instantly agreed. so i brought my tiny backpack, packed with warm weather paris clothes and showed up on aoifes dooorstep. it was then that she told me the tiny little hiccups: one, ireland was COLD. two, we didnt have a room yet, we were living in the laundry room. the laundry room had one queen bed, an armoir, a washer plus dryer, and literally nothing else, if you dont count the mold and snails that came in from the broken window above the bed. i couldnt complain, i was living there for almost free. but it was a little depressing after the charm of being called 'daz', a form of laundry detergent, wore off.

but the house, and the people in it, were amazing. the rooms (yes, even the laundry room) were large and run down, exactly how i like them. it reminded me of the place i lived while in brooklyn; an artists squat. grafitti drawings, and mural paintings covered the walls. it was a completely inspiring place to be.

it was there that i met lynn macpherson, of salty philip. during my brief time in ireland, i worked under her. i learned a lot working under her and was inspired to finally pursue a career path that i had recently begun mulling about in my head. lynn was a scottish designer, living in ireland, fresh from berlin where she had owned her own shop. lynn made eco-sustainable designs only, something i would eventually like to incorporate. on top of that, lynn was only twenty-four. she had owned two shops, and had a studio i was in awe of. these are some pictures from her photoshoot from her most recent collection. the professional ones can be found on her website, linked above. lynn is the one with an umbrella.

ireland is full of artists doing what they love. granted most of them are on the dole, an irish form of welfare, it is nonetheless inspiring. being around lynn and seeing her working, not only showed me it was possible but got me excited to start my own career in fashion.

being with this girl helped too. in case you dont recognize her, thats kulka from ravelry, her blog here. after blogging back and forth for years, i finally met her last year my first time to ireland. then when i returned, there was no question we would become great friends. she would like to start designing her own knitting patterns and we talked drunkenly for ages of opening an etsy shop. she recently started art school at 25, and is giving me the courage to pursue fashion design school at such a late age.

so that was ireland, two months full of inspiration. that coupled with the inspiration given by spending the last several months with an amateur fashion photographer in paris, has given me the drive needed to pursue fashion school.

i used to think that speaking about something made it less likely to happen, a form of jinxing if you will. but over the past year ive learned that not speaking about things doesnt make your dreams happen or problems go away. in fact, not speaking does just the opposite: that simple act of ommission can make everything worse. it is through facing your problems, asking for help or advice, or even just talking until your head is clear, that accomplishes anything and everything. donc, i am appealing to you, blogging world, to offer me advice, even more inspiration, or to simply be a sounding board for me bounce ideas off of. 

in less than a week, i am moving back to arizona. i need/i want/i have to finish my last semester of university. however, rather than returning to flagstaff, i will be (eep, those dreaded words ever college student dreads to say) living at home and attending the nau phoenix campus.

i have my reasons, more than i would have thought. the least selfish is i really need to be closer to my parents, my sister, and my nephew. i have spent the last eighteen months away from them, and am planning on spending the next three years away as well, while pursuing my next degree.

the more selfish one is that i will save money. i need to save up thousands of dollars before i can move back to europe. granted, my income will be more in europe, but i will have tuition, rent, AND student loans from nau to pay off. living at home while in america allows me to work, and actually save money.

now for my favorite reason, the one i am most looking forward to. my mother is a seamstress who used to have dreams of designing herself before she became a hippie fighting against the vietnam war. and she has agreed to devote the next six months to teaching me everything she knows about sewing, and helping me create my portfolio/application. 

the average fashion school in paris requires a sort of portfolio. they dont look at transcripts of high school or other colleges, they simply look at your work, your innate talent. this works in my favor, as my grades arent exactly shining. (the first time i even encountered the grading system, i was fourteen. after leaving the montessori school i had attended since four years old, i arrived at a public high school and received my first failed math quiz. i havent ever quite adjusted.)

anyways, the portfolio. the portfolio changes from institute to institute, but the most common version is simple. five drawings of original garments, and five photos of those finished garments.

something so simple decides my future. so you bet i am going to work as hard as possible to overcome my slight 'handicaps' and say loud and clear 'i deserve this!' most people who attend fashion school are fresh out of high school and been already making clothes for years. i am certainly not fresh out of high school (going on five years now!), and, if my knitting is not counted, my experience with making clothes through sewing, though existing, is novice at best. (the next few months will fix that!)

  

now, for those of you that are starting to worry, dont. this is NOT becoming a fashion blog. you will not see me posting daily updates of my outift, or anything like that. although, that works for some people and i find it interesting to read, thats not what im interested in doing. i have no desire to be a model, i want to be the one that dresses the model, that designs the clothes, the one in control. speaking of which, i will eventually need a model for my portfolio, if any of you are in phoenix!

so, if any of you have any tips and advice or even funny stories, please let me know! i am going to be upset, disappointed, overworked, and frustrated the next several months. i just know that this is going to be very difficult, returning to america from a year in paris. returning to school after six months break. and knowing now that my future rests solely upon my shoulders.

but honestly, even more than all of that, this is going to be so much fun. i am starting a new adventure, just as this one closes. and i am more than happy to still have you to share it with.

all photo credits: aoife mcgarry

a return, to more things than one.

i cant explain why i havent posted in almost six months, i literally have no reason. every once in a while, i would sit down at the computer and say 'okay, today i will update my blog.' but the words never came quickly enough and before i knew it, i would be distracted and onto something else. until today, today seems like the perfect day.

i am still in paris. i am curled up in my room of the sixth floor apartment in the 15ème, wearing borrowed warm socks and a freshly knitted cowl. im watching the snowstorm happening outside the window next to the old wooden desk i am currently typing at. the flakes are large and hurry down to the ground in number, but its gentle and silent as only snow in paris can be. paris in december, even better than paris in the autumn, or paris in the spring.

since my last post, i have since moved out of my apartment in pernety (a sad sad day), spent two weeks on the beach in the south of france, lived in ireland for two months, backpacked around thailand for a month, and then returned to paris.

in one week, i will return home to arizona for christmas and one (hopefully) final semester of school. after i graduate, i plan to attend fashion school back here in paris. its been a secret dream of mine for quite some time, and in my travels, i have met people who not only gave me the inspiration, but the confidence to pursue it. in fact, this past year and six months i have been travelling and living outside the us has given me more confidence, has lead to more growth and maturity than i ever thought possible.

its unbelievable that it has come to an end, my study abroad experience is almost finished. this chapter of my life is officially over, there is nothing else i can do to drag it out. i am not sad, however, although things will be different, i know i will be back. i have realized that my search for the yellow bird has lead me here. there is still something left to discover, something left i havent realized about myself, to be found on the streets of paris or wherever it is that they lead me.

i am tired of promising posts, of structuring my life around my blog (see weekly updates, or formspring fridays, 101 in 1001, or any of that other nonsense that works for others but i failed so miserably at.) it is because i attempted to partition my life into categorized subjects to be posted on a rigorous schedule that i stopped blogging. my life doesnt work that way, my mind doesnt work that way. i am scattered and a mess and i go wherever my whim takes me, and that life is not conducive to such structured blogging.

so, dear readers, if any of you have found your way back or have miraculously been patiently waiting, you can expect a different type of blog to the one before. but i tell you, you wont be disappointed.

the old blog would have promised posts of ireland, and thailand, and promised weekly updates as i attempt to prepare myself over the next six months for my entrance into the fashion world of paris. (there's so much to be done, sewing ruffles and collars need to be conquered, designing has to be mastered, and pattern making has to be attempted, all leading to the portfolio which will decide my acceptance into the school, the possibility for a future in fashion.)

but the new blog simply says 'wait and see, i will be back, with something new to show you.'

chiang mai, thailand.

photo credit: romain clerc