recent developments.

last week, i received an email from the school i recently applied to, my first choice fashion design school. and they accepted me!! i have been accepted into the bachelor program at the International Fashion Academy of Paris. i am overjoyed, completely and totally. there are still a lot of kinks to be smoothed out, a lot of work to be done, and my return to paris is still unsure. but the hard part is over, the only thing that stands in my way is money! and though that is a very big obstacle, the fact that i have even come this far is heartening. at the beginning of the year, i returned to america, armed only with a plan. i was going to learn how to sew extensively to the point of making a portfolio and use that portfolio to apply to a school. and in two months, i accomplished that. i increased my sewing skills a hundredfold, i created a portfolio, and i got accepted. no matter what happens now, i know i can do this. and that knowledge is an amazing comfort.


it is still hard for me to believe how great my life is, and how truly blessed i am. i am a smart, talented, and strong woman who is capable of so many things. and even better, on top of those base characteristics, i have been given so many opportunities, an unbelievable amount of opportunities. more so than the average person, and i am aware, and grateful, of that fact. i am not a religious person, instead, i thank my family, the sacrifices they have made and continue to make, and the decisions they made for me during my childhood.


now i still have to find a job. desperately, i need a job. but i wrote my resume today and will begin to send them out as soon as they are finalized. and i have designed nine pieces for the first collection in my store! i hope to have them up and for sale by april, just in time for spring and summer. but here is a sneak peek of a shirt prototype i have already made!

and i recently found a great site, burdastyle.com. its like ravelry, but for sewing!!

my first ever photoshoot.

well, yesterday marks two months in america and i just had my first photoshoot last weekend! technically, its not my first collection; its more of my portfolio. i did use patterns for some of the pieces, and none of them are for sale! im using this to apply for fashion schools in paris, rather than start a business. 


im applying to one school in particular, called IFA. they are my first choice, and yesterday i sent my application in to them. i am unbelievably nervous,  they are the perfect school for me. and i hope so badly they will accept me. i did everything i could think of, i worked so hard on this portfolio and my essay. the decision now rests in their hands.


the making of this portfolio was a wonderful process, one i enjoyed immensely. i had the most trouble with the original drawing of my designs, though i am told that gets easier with practice. my favorite part was actually cutting the fabric and creating the patterns themselves. i had to decide how large to make the pattern pieces, how to construct the garment (there are so many options!) and i spent hours drafting pattern after pattern on newspaper until i eventually graduated to newsprint and had a lot less trouble. 


but although the act of designing and sewing was fun and something i really loved and enjoyed, the most satisfying moment, the moment of true pride, came when i first saw my model in MY clothes. to see a woman wearing my clothes and seeing them actually fit, actually look good, actually look real was an indescribable feeling. regardless what happens with ifa, with my plans to return to paris, i will never forget the moment when i saw my model in my clothes for the first time and realized that i did it. i set out to design clothes, and i did. 


location: the arts district, phoenix az
model: dena nicole brooks
photographer: tressel holloway




ONE: romper

my own original design.  

romper is made from both a lightweight knit material, and a pinstripe crepe material.  

features a bow motif on the front, with matching side pockets. 

halter neckline, with ties.  

elastic casing in the waistband and back.

TWO: gathered shorts

  my own original design. 

  made from a lightweight knit fabric. 

  features a high waist band, with gathers. 

  side pockets on the front and high pocket flaps on the back. 

  one-inch cuffs around the legs.  

  a zipper fly. 

    

THREE: blazer

  modified from an existing pattern.  

  made from a woven houndstooth.  

  added a grey lining, on the inside of the body and the sleeves.  

  added reversible cuffs. 

FOUR: button-up blouse with ruffles

   

modified from an existing pattern.  

made from a cotton blend. 

decreased and rounded the size of the sleeve caps. 

lessened the amount of ruffles.

FIVE: pleated shorts

  my own original design. 

  made from a cotton material.  

  high-waisted shorts with a pleated waistline.  

  side pockets. 

  a button-up fly.

SIX: manu cardigan

 followed the manu pattern almost exactly.  

 knit from an aran wool blend.  

 knit from the bottom up, short-row yoke construction.  

 features gathers on the shoulders, sleeve bands, and pockets.  

 boasts garter-stitch detailing.

SEVEN: horizontal-ribbed cardigan

 my own original design: pattern written by me. sort of blogged about here, but not really.  

 knit from a dk weight merino wool.  

 horizontal ribbing edging; alternate rows of stockinette and reverse stockinette. 

 knit from the top down, raglan yoke construction.

now, i did not sew the two tshirts! those are store-bought!! the light grey is from h&m, and the dark grey shirt came from a flea market in thailand. 

i decided on the name of my eventual line, and i doubt any of you will be surprised. yes, it is "yellow bird". because i have found it! i found my yellow bird, the thing ive been searching for, the thing that defines me and fills my thoughts and drives my day. it's designing clothes, it's making clothes, it's fashion. my blogroll is full of fashion blogs, and my desk is overflowing with international fashion magazines (l'officiel and russh are my favorites) and my facebook newsfeed is overrun with fashion posts from my many recent likes. 

as i start out, id like to be an independent high fashion designer, who makes good custom clothes at more affordable prices. but i plan to eventually get into limited edition pret-a-porter, and have multiple lines. i want of course a mens line and a womens line. but id also like two more lines for mixed genders: a line that fits more than just one body type and isnt screen print tees. and the one im most excited about, an eco-sustainable line. apparently, i plan to be very big.  i dont want to be famous, though. i have no desire for fame. i simply want to make clothes for people.

ive bought my website, just to preserve the domain name! its yellowbirdcollections.com, and once i can figure out this PHP or PTP or whatever its called, ill put the photos up! (any help in this area would be greatly appreciated, im not as tech savvy as id like.)

but my more immediate plans? im hoping to get accepted to this school and move back to paris this summer. while in school, romain thinks i should create an underground independent fashion line for the parisian youth (he means the twenty-something year olds who go clubbing every night). i agree wholeheartedly, except id like to open up a small online shop with some menswear as well. then once ive graduated and after ive interned for a while in one of the big fashion houses, ill have enough of a base to open a real store. and as long as im dreaming, itll be in the marais...

but it doesnt do any harm to dream, right??

a return, to more things than one.

i cant explain why i havent posted in almost six months, i literally have no reason. every once in a while, i would sit down at the computer and say 'okay, today i will update my blog.' but the words never came quickly enough and before i knew it, i would be distracted and onto something else. until today, today seems like the perfect day.

i am still in paris. i am curled up in my room of the sixth floor apartment in the 15ème, wearing borrowed warm socks and a freshly knitted cowl. im watching the snowstorm happening outside the window next to the old wooden desk i am currently typing at. the flakes are large and hurry down to the ground in number, but its gentle and silent as only snow in paris can be. paris in december, even better than paris in the autumn, or paris in the spring.

since my last post, i have since moved out of my apartment in pernety (a sad sad day), spent two weeks on the beach in the south of france, lived in ireland for two months, backpacked around thailand for a month, and then returned to paris.

in one week, i will return home to arizona for christmas and one (hopefully) final semester of school. after i graduate, i plan to attend fashion school back here in paris. its been a secret dream of mine for quite some time, and in my travels, i have met people who not only gave me the inspiration, but the confidence to pursue it. in fact, this past year and six months i have been travelling and living outside the us has given me more confidence, has lead to more growth and maturity than i ever thought possible.

its unbelievable that it has come to an end, my study abroad experience is almost finished. this chapter of my life is officially over, there is nothing else i can do to drag it out. i am not sad, however, although things will be different, i know i will be back. i have realized that my search for the yellow bird has lead me here. there is still something left to discover, something left i havent realized about myself, to be found on the streets of paris or wherever it is that they lead me.

i am tired of promising posts, of structuring my life around my blog (see weekly updates, or formspring fridays, 101 in 1001, or any of that other nonsense that works for others but i failed so miserably at.) it is because i attempted to partition my life into categorized subjects to be posted on a rigorous schedule that i stopped blogging. my life doesnt work that way, my mind doesnt work that way. i am scattered and a mess and i go wherever my whim takes me, and that life is not conducive to such structured blogging.

so, dear readers, if any of you have found your way back or have miraculously been patiently waiting, you can expect a different type of blog to the one before. but i tell you, you wont be disappointed.

the old blog would have promised posts of ireland, and thailand, and promised weekly updates as i attempt to prepare myself over the next six months for my entrance into the fashion world of paris. (there's so much to be done, sewing ruffles and collars need to be conquered, designing has to be mastered, and pattern making has to be attempted, all leading to the portfolio which will decide my acceptance into the school, the possibility for a future in fashion.)

but the new blog simply says 'wait and see, i will be back, with something new to show you.'

chiang mai, thailand.

photo credit: romain clerc

tattouage.

lately, i have had images floating around in my head. some have been there for years, others only weeks. now i am not posting this for anybody to tell me tattoos are a stupid idea. if you dont approve of tattoos, please, i dont need to know. that being said, if you have any ideas, helpful criticism, or just any advice, i would love to hear it.

now, this is a serious undertaking for me.  i want to put thought into this, and plan accordingly, as i hope to be adding more than a few to my body. i have found my tattoo artist, which i admittedly didnt put as much thought into as i have the designs. however, he tattoos my friends, speaks minimal english, parties with us, and is willing to do them at a discounted price. he isnt some stranger who cant understand my french and will never see me again, it actually matters if he messes up. he specializes in detail, which is perfect as i want only black outlines. i have high hopes for this partnership.

in the past few days, i have been reading blog after blog about tattooing. i have learned quite a bit about the process, how to prepare, and what to expect.

all that is left, is the designing. i am going to leave most of the designing to him. i cannot draw nearly as well as he can, and he knows what looks best. that being said, there are key elements that i will include. i am going to try to write them out, so as to clear my head.

my own drawings:

right forearm/dip: train tracks viewed from side, simple telephone poles with one black bird on wire. possibly one flying away as well. [this tattoo idea inspired my new header.]

right shoulder blade: a triangle of airplanes [just the outline] turning into a flock of black birds, flying towards the top of my shoulder.

helpful images-

left inner upper arm: end design unknown, elements to be included: one or two from a set of classic matryoshkas, a spool of thread with thread branching out attached to needle, empty birdcage hanging by thread, and a mini ribbon pottery tool. this one will need a lot more thought.

helpful images-

not my own drawings:
[more cliched, less designed, but just as meaningful.]

left rib cage: the little prince taking advantage of a flock of wild birds to make his escape from his asteroid, including stars and flower.

left wrist: a ball of yarn, with thin needles at diagonal.

behind right ear or outer left forearm: a small anchor.

every single one has an intense personal meaning, which i am sure is easily guessed just by reading through my 'about me' and the post detailing the search for my yellow bird.

they still need some thought, and i am going to wait just to be sure i always want them. that being said, i have had my piercings for years, some since i was fourteen, and i havent regretted a single one yet. in fact, i miss the ones that have healed. it took four months of debating to just get my lip pierced. it takes me so long to actually get something, that when i finally get around to it, i love it for life.

any thoughts? this is a really big deal, and i want to know everything i can.

heart like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.

leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.


-marty mcconnel


i apologize for my absence. blogging has been pushed to the back burner. my weeks are beautiful, busy, but uninteresting: weekly posts seem redundant as i have settled into an immensely enjoyable routine that is fun to live but not so fun to read. my life is surrounded by beauty, i am shocked by how much beauty i see every day. my french is not progressing, while my english is regressing. i am having trouble remembering whether i am thinking in french or in english, i switch back and forth between french and english without realizing it. short phrases are now second nature, whereas long phrases are impossible to form correctly.i am enjoying my life completely, looking forward to the promises of spring and a few upcoming trips and visits. i am still trying to find my yellow bird, although the 101 in 1001 is seeming less and less important as the days go on. my father has lost his job, my mother has stopped her chemo, my sister is raising a child about to start crawling and walking, life in america goes on as it always has but i feel more and more distant and disconnected with each passing day. now i have an added necessity, beyond the need to find something to live for: to come to terms with new feelings and emotions that have arisen in the past six months. it has been six months since i left america, boarded that plane, and took my first steps onto non-american soil. there are times when i barely recognize myself, it is almost impossible to equate the anna i was with the anna i have become. even my name has changed, taken on a new pronunciation. the french have no idea where to put the emphasis on my name. what was ANna in the states, is anNA in france.


the problem with being in a different country, immersed in another culture, is how easy it is to generalize, compare, and despise. i noticed this trend in london. of the large group of americans living in nido, a few of them compared england to everything they had back in america and found england completely lacking. they would allow chance encounters and personal fear to taint their view of an entire country and culture they knew very little about.


i'm finding that in france, with the language barrier, the pull of that tendency is much stronger and harder to resist because it is easier to just give in to the hate than accept the differences. acceptance takes work, and thought, while requiring you to give up a little part of yourself in compromise. in london, it was only a few people who gave in to the generalizations. but, in france, the number has tripled. my roommate in london hated london, but loved the cities she visited. it is much easier to fall in love with a place when you see it through a tourist's eyes. it is very hard to love a place you live, where you don't understand the culture and are assaulted with it every day. but my roommate was the only one in my london group of friends who didnt like london. france is different.


as i type this, i am sat in a room with my two closest friends here and a guest. i am the only one of us who loves, or even likes, paris. my roommate despises it, loathes it entirely. she has a few days where she enjoys being in paris, but for the most part, she cant stand it. like my roommate before, she loves where she travels but not where she lives. lauren, our other closest friend, seems to have a love-hate relationship with it, which has recently been leaning towards hate. dallas, our guest, seems to have accepted the general opinion.


not all of it is culture shock, however. opinions are based on what happens to you, and i feel i have experienced a very different paris from them. the majority of my time is spent being in love, which tends to have a rose-colored glasses effect. even beyond that, removing romain from the equation, we have still had different experiences. for example, last night, we branched off from each other. katy, dallas, and lauren went home. lauren was accosted on the metro by a gang of literal boys, she has bruises in the shapes of hands on her body from the boys trying to harm her and from katy trying to save her. afterward, they spent the rest of the ride home screaming they hated paris and parisians. i had a different experience. aoife and i went to social club, danced to techno, and met two very respectful parisians who bought us drinks and walked us home but didnt even attempt to 'come home' with us.


this is not to say i have not been fighting those same tendencies i am complaining about in others. in fact, i am wondering if i am fighting them too much. it hurts me, and the open mind my parents instilled in me, to base my opinion on an entire city and culture on such limited experiences. i am not a typical american, and i would not want people to base their opinion of america on me. so i am fighting really hard not to do that with the french. i am trying to recognize that there is diversity and subcultures here just as in the states.


but am i excusing too much? am i harming myself by refusing to be anything but completely open? is there such a thing as too open-minded? i feel like i should be able to admit when i dont like something, but instead i simply call it a culture difference and write it off. is that the right way? i am starting to feel that since i am the only one going about things this way that i am the one in the wrong, not the others. but, here just as in london, it angers me to hear how much people hate this city. i end up irritated and annoyed, wanting to shake them and open their eyes to the beauty that is all around. but am i the one with my eyes closed? by refusing to see the ugly, am i being just as close-minded as those who refuse to see the beauty?


i have talked about this with lauren before, and we discovered that by allowing yourself to love a new place, you lose a little bit of yourself. in my attempt to be open, i have lost my self and created a new one, forged by my experiences both here and london. in the beginning, i found paris lacking to london. but i had to give up that part of myself that adored london in order to enjoy paris. i have never had any problem changing, losing, and gaining parts of myself, because one constant has always remained. i am a traveler, through and through. knitting is pretty much universal, and the small changes from country to country only make being a traveling knitter that much more interesting.


but have i been traveling wrong? shouldnt i accept the bad as well as the good, rather than ignoring it? i know these things, but i just cannot bring myself to act that way. every time someone makes a negative generalization, all i can think of is someone i met a long time ago, who was raped by a black male. unable to separate the feelings induced by that one black male and all the unrelated black males, she became racist and bitter. i refuse to be that woman, i refuse to base my opinion of the masses on the actions of one individual. i just cant see a way to let the bad in, without it consuming me.


intercultural dating has the same problems. every time romain and i fight seriously, which happens more than i care to admit, he insists that we dont have problems, our cultures do. each misunderstanding, each odd action the other doesnt understand, each difference between us is chalked up to him being french and me being american. but is that the right way? could the personal differences between us be simply that, just personal differences? but i do the same thing in america. my ex was from oregon and every weird thing he did was 'because he was from oregon'. before my trip here, i never realized how much geography shapes and affects us. its really beautiful to see how changed we are by the places we live and the people we surround ourselves with.


the days here are numbered, each one marks a day lost in the countdown, and i have reached the halfway mark. i am having to decide what to do with myself, where to go at the end of this. it is becoming clearer and clearer that a return to the states, a return to arizona, is almost impossible for me. i am trying not to think about that now, not to make any plans until absolutely necessary, but the end is approaching, and i cannot bring myself to face it. i am having difficulty facing many things lately, and instead am hiding in the bright light of the good. but the dark is always there, waiting on the periphery, be it the bad in people or the end of the chapter. i think it is time for me to come out and face it head on. 

but its hard to stay mad, when theres so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like im seeing it all once, and its too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that about to burst. and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and i cant feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.


you have no idea what im talking about, im sure. but dont wory, you will someday. [american beauty.]

holiday knitting.

now that my camera cord has been found, i can finally post all the crafting i did!

needle-felted objects::

yellow bird.

minimalist garland.

thrummed mittens. [in progress]

knits by a pattern::

ascot.

hurricane hat.

katherine hat.

knits by improvisation::

slouchy hat.

needle-felted owl clutch.

 

garter stitch hair clip.

button-up way oversize cowl scarf.

boyfriend cardigan. [in progress]

i was inspired by surfing the web, i'm sure you've seen many knits like these popping up everywhere, in blogs and etsy shops. the first two hats were knit for my mother, the second one was entirely for me. the boyfriend cardigan is supposedly for my gay friend max, but i havent heard from him in a while. i might just keep it for myself. the button-up cowl was knit flat in reverse stockinette with varying grey stripes. it measures eleven inches wide and seven feet long. the ends close together with black buttons. it can be worn as a cowl or as a scarf, either way it is possibly the warmest thing i have ever knitted, perfect for parisian winters. i was copying a cowl i saw in december, but cant remember where.

the clutch was knit then felted. the front boasts a needle-felted red owl, complete with heart. a large, lopsided bow was attached next to it. the inside has a hand-sewn grey lining, and a zipper as well as snaps for closure. the back is plain.

i finally conquered needle felting! my 101 in 1001 goal was to needle felt a bird, and i did it! i even made some more things, but i left my supplies in phoenix. my suitcase was full of yarn, and i couldn't justify the pounds of roving!

i still have a few projects on the needles, and am hoping to finish them soon! i am also planning to participate in the ravelympics this year, on team buttercup. i think i am going to design a sweater or jacket of my own. who knows, maybe ill just knit mittens instead.