my first ever photoshoot.

well, yesterday marks two months in america and i just had my first photoshoot last weekend! technically, its not my first collection; its more of my portfolio. i did use patterns for some of the pieces, and none of them are for sale! im using this to apply for fashion schools in paris, rather than start a business. 


im applying to one school in particular, called IFA. they are my first choice, and yesterday i sent my application in to them. i am unbelievably nervous,  they are the perfect school for me. and i hope so badly they will accept me. i did everything i could think of, i worked so hard on this portfolio and my essay. the decision now rests in their hands.


the making of this portfolio was a wonderful process, one i enjoyed immensely. i had the most trouble with the original drawing of my designs, though i am told that gets easier with practice. my favorite part was actually cutting the fabric and creating the patterns themselves. i had to decide how large to make the pattern pieces, how to construct the garment (there are so many options!) and i spent hours drafting pattern after pattern on newspaper until i eventually graduated to newsprint and had a lot less trouble. 


but although the act of designing and sewing was fun and something i really loved and enjoyed, the most satisfying moment, the moment of true pride, came when i first saw my model in MY clothes. to see a woman wearing my clothes and seeing them actually fit, actually look good, actually look real was an indescribable feeling. regardless what happens with ifa, with my plans to return to paris, i will never forget the moment when i saw my model in my clothes for the first time and realized that i did it. i set out to design clothes, and i did. 


location: the arts district, phoenix az
model: dena nicole brooks
photographer: tressel holloway




ONE: romper

my own original design.  

romper is made from both a lightweight knit material, and a pinstripe crepe material.  

features a bow motif on the front, with matching side pockets. 

halter neckline, with ties.  

elastic casing in the waistband and back.

TWO: gathered shorts

  my own original design. 

  made from a lightweight knit fabric. 

  features a high waist band, with gathers. 

  side pockets on the front and high pocket flaps on the back. 

  one-inch cuffs around the legs.  

  a zipper fly. 

    

THREE: blazer

  modified from an existing pattern.  

  made from a woven houndstooth.  

  added a grey lining, on the inside of the body and the sleeves.  

  added reversible cuffs. 

FOUR: button-up blouse with ruffles

   

modified from an existing pattern.  

made from a cotton blend. 

decreased and rounded the size of the sleeve caps. 

lessened the amount of ruffles.

FIVE: pleated shorts

  my own original design. 

  made from a cotton material.  

  high-waisted shorts with a pleated waistline.  

  side pockets. 

  a button-up fly.

SIX: manu cardigan

 followed the manu pattern almost exactly.  

 knit from an aran wool blend.  

 knit from the bottom up, short-row yoke construction.  

 features gathers on the shoulders, sleeve bands, and pockets.  

 boasts garter-stitch detailing.

SEVEN: horizontal-ribbed cardigan

 my own original design: pattern written by me. sort of blogged about here, but not really.  

 knit from a dk weight merino wool.  

 horizontal ribbing edging; alternate rows of stockinette and reverse stockinette. 

 knit from the top down, raglan yoke construction.

now, i did not sew the two tshirts! those are store-bought!! the light grey is from h&m, and the dark grey shirt came from a flea market in thailand. 

i decided on the name of my eventual line, and i doubt any of you will be surprised. yes, it is "yellow bird". because i have found it! i found my yellow bird, the thing ive been searching for, the thing that defines me and fills my thoughts and drives my day. it's designing clothes, it's making clothes, it's fashion. my blogroll is full of fashion blogs, and my desk is overflowing with international fashion magazines (l'officiel and russh are my favorites) and my facebook newsfeed is overrun with fashion posts from my many recent likes. 

as i start out, id like to be an independent high fashion designer, who makes good custom clothes at more affordable prices. but i plan to eventually get into limited edition pret-a-porter, and have multiple lines. i want of course a mens line and a womens line. but id also like two more lines for mixed genders: a line that fits more than just one body type and isnt screen print tees. and the one im most excited about, an eco-sustainable line. apparently, i plan to be very big.  i dont want to be famous, though. i have no desire for fame. i simply want to make clothes for people.

ive bought my website, just to preserve the domain name! its yellowbirdcollections.com, and once i can figure out this PHP or PTP or whatever its called, ill put the photos up! (any help in this area would be greatly appreciated, im not as tech savvy as id like.)

but my more immediate plans? im hoping to get accepted to this school and move back to paris this summer. while in school, romain thinks i should create an underground independent fashion line for the parisian youth (he means the twenty-something year olds who go clubbing every night). i agree wholeheartedly, except id like to open up a small online shop with some menswear as well. then once ive graduated and after ive interned for a while in one of the big fashion houses, ill have enough of a base to open a real store. and as long as im dreaming, itll be in the marais...

but it doesnt do any harm to dream, right??

hard truths.

life in paris is going incredibly well. it's hard to believe i only have seven weeks left here, then it's on to another chapter in my life. we're still in the basic process of planning, so im going to keep it under wraps until decisions have been made. but here's a little hint of what might possibly be in my future: 

well, ive been inspired by a recent blogging trend. blogs are edited, secrets i am reluctant to share are omitted, and things i am ashamed of in real life are hidden and kept quiet.

i am not ashamed of that. my blog isnt fake, nor is it overly happy. there are just a few things im not ready to share with the entire world. since this post is about honesty, there are even a couple of things i'd share with the world, but not with the family who reads this blog. something about anonymity makes it easier to confess that which plagues you. a bunch of strangers worried about me is nothing like my family worrying.

but in the spirit of honesty, im going to open up a little part of me i had kept closed.

my mother has/had cancer. im not really sure what the technical terms mean, 'remission' and 'markers'. im too far away, not in constant contact, for my parents to explain properly. [this is the only picture of her i have on my computer. she doesnt pose for pictures, she didnt know i was taking this. its blurry and the background is horrible, but i like how its soft, just like her.]

we realized something was wrong the wednesday before i left for england. my mother and i had a dual doctors appointment [my mother and i are really close. i havent been to the doctor once without her. emergenices excepted.] we finished up the half of my appointment, and the doctor then asked my mother to strip so of course i hightailed it out of there. after a few minutes, the waiting room became too tedious and i went back inside. the doctor, assuming i knew everything, didnt mince her words as they were discussing the symptoms. i had never seen my mother so shaken, so quiet. i knew something was up, but other tests were ordered so i wasnt too apprehensive.

i had a week before i left for england. my mother had promised to sew some skirts up for me, and i selfishly pushed her, even though it hurt her stomach. for you to understand why i do that, you must understand that because of my gastroparesis, i live with literally constant stomach pain. not a single day goes by where my stomach doesnt hurt. ive gotten to the point where i can ignore it, control my nausea, and maintain a healthy weight. its horrible, but i am thus not compassionate to stomach pain. i really try to be, but i just dont understand how for ordinary people, the stomachache is completely debilitating. if i were to give into that urge, i would accomplish nothing. even typing this, my stomach is killing me. if i caved, i would throw up and lay in bed all day, wasting this beautiful day in paris.

anyway, the day before i left, we were panicking. the minutes were numbered, even seconds counted. my mother took a couple of hours to lay down, her stomach hurt so badly. i simply couldnt understand this. although i was smart enough to recognize that things were getting worse.

the next day, i left bright and early to go to the airport. after a few hours of chitchat, i was ready to go through security and board the plane. the second i stepped up to give my mother a hug, she started bawling. the most tears i have ever seen from her, came out on that morning. it was then that i realized something was terribly terribly wrong. these werent the normal 'oh, i wont see you for a year' tears. these were tears of 'i dont want to die while youre in another country'. i managed to tear myself away, and walk through security. my mother followed me on the sidelines, still crying. security tried to remove her, but upon seeing her tears and me standing in the security line, they actually let her stay until i was out of sight.

her deterioration was something i didnt understand as i wasnt able/allowed to see. it was shown to me in small selfish markers: skype calls and emails were only answered by my dad, text messages went ignored, my credit bill responsibilities, after her missing a couple of payments, were passed to me, and most painfully, advice was sought but not given. i had always been used to asking my mom advice, she has a way of saying what i dont want to hear in a way that makes me want to hear it.

then, in december, my family finally allowed me to see all of what had happened to my mom. she was hospitalized, and i left london a week early and returned home. i missed my exams, and my grades have suffered, but i dont regret it.  she was let out of the hospital the night i returned. the skeleton that laid on the sofa was a terrifying sight. my mother has always been overweight. always. i cant remember a time when she didnt wrap me up in tight, enveloping, and comforting bear hugs. except this time. she looked like she had lost hundreds of pounds and her hair was falling out. it was terrifying. i laid with her in her bed, where i would for the rest of the month. it was in that first night, drugged out of her mind from the hospital, that my mother asked me not to go to france. now, that is a selfish statement. if i stayed it would have been only for her. my mother doesnt make selfish statements. ever. she is the most giving, mst self-compromising, most suffering -in-silence woman i have ever met. she has never once asked me for anything, even though sometimes my choices hurt her. until then.

i think telling her i had to leave was the hardest thing ive ever done. explaining to your possibly-dying mother how you are going to leave her alone for seven months is a nearly impossible task. especially because i didnt want to go, i wanted to stay and feed her food until she fattened up again. i spent the rest of the month shoving food at her and refusing to leave her alone for even a few minutes. my mother was too out of it to remember that request, and said nothing when i left for the airport. she was too sick to come with us. which, horrible as it is, made it easier to leave. i could have never boarded that plane if my weepy mother stood at security again.

[this is my father. he is sleeping with his first grandchild.] my whole life, i have been closer to my mother. that is not to say i dont love my father. i adore both of my parents, they have given me so much more than they were able to. as parent roles go my mother is the one i confide in, my father is the one who i want to be like. but, in the past year, i have had to rely much more heavily on my father. our entire family has. my mother was the breadwinner, my dad was the artist. unfortunately, an artist salary does not support a daughter in another country and a wife on chemo. so my dad has stepped up in ways i never thought possible, ways im not so sure i could have. when i get back, i am going to step up too. i have put my parents in a horrible situation which i will endeavor to fix whenever i return home, be it in july or january.

i am lucky, we are lucky. my mom is doing loads better; in remission, markers are down, returned to work, etc. there was even a celebration dinner and she's taken to sewing again.

well, i think thats all the truth one post can handle. im sure many of you have been touched by something similar, cancer is something that unfortunately affects us all.

a new endeavor.

i realized that this blog, and my life, has been severly lacking the very thing i started it for: knitting. i have completed three projects in france, which i promise i will post soon. last night, i had the brilliant idea last that i should combine my two loves of knitting and travel! i will now start going to yarn stores and posting about them. hopefully, if i ever get to travel around europe, i will be able to go to at least one yarn store in each country. i really enjoy going to yarn stores, i have yarn bought from all across the united states, a couple of different cities in england, and of course, france.

it's odd, but i always feel like a fraud when i go into a new yarn store. i feel like an inadequate knittter, with too few years of experience, much to learn, and something to prove. its a very humbling experience, im always too shy to talk to the staff and ask for advice at first. i think it is because a yarn store can be such a personal place, for the regulars, that i feel as if im intruding. its really hard to explain, its such an odd sensation and ive never understood it myself. it may be because im so young, and so inactive in the knitting community. back home, i always make my mom come with me. everyone always assumes she is the knitter, and she acts as a buffer/conversation starter. i dont know if ive mentioned this in the blog before, or if it comes across at all, but in the real world i really am quite shy and am horrible at small talk.

now don't get me wrong, i really do enjoy going to new stores. i love the moment of surprise when i first walk in, as each shop is set up differently. that first second when my mind perceives the array of colors, of textures, always stops me in the doorway. ill look around for a few seconds, to acclimate myself and take in all i can, and let the calm that crafting always creates set in. then someone will usually approach me, and the calm is scared away; i immediately feel like i dont know anything about knitting at all. i think that is it right there: its easy to be confident with people who dont knit. but when confronted with someone who is living my dream and knows so much more than i do, i feel like a novice. but after a few moments of conversation, i settle down and the calm comes back. there is something very relaxing in sitting in a new yarn store, connecting with the staff, learning new tricks and tips, and discovering yarn you never knew existed. 

so, i will begin my reviews with the first yarn stores i ever went to. [review just sounds so pretentious, i mean, who i am to review? so if anybody knows a better word, please let me know.] it is my favorite by far and is the standard on which all stores are now judged. im sure its grown and changed through the years, i would love to make it back there sometime.

stash.

[source.]

country: united states.
website: stashyarn.com
address:  
884 colusa ave
(between catalina ave & solano ave)
berkeley, ca 94707
neighborhoods: east solano ave, north berkeley.
hours:
closed monday.
tue-fri: 11:00 - 18:00.
sat: 10:00 - 18:00.
sun: 12:00 - 17:00.


this store specializes in handmade specialty yarns so it is quite expensive, but definitely worth it. the store is set up in a pleasing way and i remember wandering for hours, getting lost in the many textures and feels. before this shop, i had been to only micheals and jo-anns, thinking acrylic was as soft and as good as it gets. when i first walked in, my fifteen year old self couldn't even speak. i was living in berkeley as a nanny for the summer, with a self-confident, expressive mother from germany. she, upon seeing my inability to speak, instantly took over the conversation and i was left to my own devices. i had charged myself with buying yarn for my second sweater and my first hat, to be made for a potential boyfriend. [yes, i was trying to use knitting to con him into dating me. it worked.] i left the store with needles and skeins of grey yarn in tow, figuring grey was the most manly color. in those days, i refused to wear greys and blacks as i had an enormous fear people would think i was depressed. my sweater would be fire engine red. i started the hat, with no concept of gauge or even needle size. i simply followed the pattern's directions, ignoring that fiddly bit at the top. it just didnt seem important. i usually ignore the amounts in a recipe, so why shouldnt i do that with a pattern? a few hours later, i had a hat! unfortunately, i had knit it on a 32 inch circular instead of a 16 inch, adding a "few" extra stitches because it was too tight. i'm sure you can guess the result: i ended up with a bag instead of a hat. [i gave it to the boy, remarkably he kept it and two years later, we ended up giving it as a bed to our ferrets.] but i digress. the point of the story is, after my debacle with gauge, i was quite confused and had no idea where to go next.


so, back to the store we went. the woman who owned the store sat down with me and very patiently explained gauge and using a circular needle to me. i will never forget how nice she was, how long she sat without charging me, and how much she helped with my second sweater. i started modifying patterns in that very yarn store, using formulas for conversion i learned in chemistry. unfortunately, i never finished that sweater. i came back to phoenix and forgot the pattern in berkeley. but that store, with the yarn organized by color instead of size, with the wonderfully expensive yarns that caused me to overdraft my account [yes, you read right.], and the knowledge that lead to me becoming the knitter i am today, will always have a place in my memory, as cliched as it may be. if you're ever in the area, i highly suggest you check it out.

holiday knitting.

now that my camera cord has been found, i can finally post all the crafting i did!

needle-felted objects::

yellow bird.

minimalist garland.

thrummed mittens. [in progress]

knits by a pattern::

ascot.

hurricane hat.

katherine hat.

knits by improvisation::

slouchy hat.

needle-felted owl clutch.

 

garter stitch hair clip.

button-up way oversize cowl scarf.

boyfriend cardigan. [in progress]

i was inspired by surfing the web, i'm sure you've seen many knits like these popping up everywhere, in blogs and etsy shops. the first two hats were knit for my mother, the second one was entirely for me. the boyfriend cardigan is supposedly for my gay friend max, but i havent heard from him in a while. i might just keep it for myself. the button-up cowl was knit flat in reverse stockinette with varying grey stripes. it measures eleven inches wide and seven feet long. the ends close together with black buttons. it can be worn as a cowl or as a scarf, either way it is possibly the warmest thing i have ever knitted, perfect for parisian winters. i was copying a cowl i saw in december, but cant remember where.

the clutch was knit then felted. the front boasts a needle-felted red owl, complete with heart. a large, lopsided bow was attached next to it. the inside has a hand-sewn grey lining, and a zipper as well as snaps for closure. the back is plain.

i finally conquered needle felting! my 101 in 1001 goal was to needle felt a bird, and i did it! i even made some more things, but i left my supplies in phoenix. my suitcase was full of yarn, and i couldn't justify the pounds of roving!

i still have a few projects on the needles, and am hoping to finish them soon! i am also planning to participate in the ravelympics this year, on team buttercup. i think i am going to design a sweater or jacket of my own. who knows, maybe ill just knit mittens instead.